This has been keeping me up at night. Evan will have been an only child for around 3 years by the time the next baby is born, so my anxiety has been building around how to make this life altering adjustment as seamless as possible for him. My biggest fear is him feeling less loved, pushed out, that the baby is replacing him, and how this will manifest itself into my happy go lucky little man. My love for him will never dwindle (my understanding is you gain capacity of love the more children you have), but in my heightened hormonal state (28 weeks pregnant), I am having these irrational concerns.
Not only will there be a baby thrown into the mix but we will also transitioning him from the box room (nursery) and moving him into his big boy bedroom with a big boy bed to match. So I’ve been seeking some advice from experienced mamas to pick up a few pointers, on how to get him as ready as possible for the arrival of his baby sister, and transition into the role of a big brother.
The advice I received was invaluable. They offered solutions and pointers which can be applied now whilst I’m pregnant and can continue to be applied once our little girl arrives. These were some of the best ones:
Top tips
Jealousy is normal – No amount of preparation can really prepare a toddler for having to share the attention of Mummy and Daddy with another small human. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and reassure as best you can.
Be honest and up front with them – Sometimes it can be easy to keep your child out of loop, as they may not understand what is happening. But how can they mentally come to terms and accept this, if ‘surprise, meet your baby bother/sister’, is sprung upon them. Find an age appropriate way to discuss with them that you are having a new baby. They don’t need all the details but can definitely can be told that they will gain a new friend soon. They then have 9 months to process and in our case build excitement around this pending addition.
Still engage and make time for them – Pregnancy can be tough (I know, I’m still battling with morning sickness and exhaustion) but it is important that this is not an excuse used, that stops interaction with your child now. Last thing we want is for them to have a grudge with the baby before they are even here. Find a balance. Make some time, even if it’s in 10 minute intervals, where they have your complete undisturbed attention. It’s important to reinforce that even though there will be a baby soon, you love them and will always make time to show that.
Involve them – This can happen during pregnancy and not just after the birth. You will be preparing for the new arrival, so let them help. You’re going shopping for baby clothes, take them with you. Let them choose a special outfit. Let them pick out some old toy to give the baby. That way your still bonding with them and having that 1:1 time and it’s bringing them into the process.
Buy a present for your child from the baby for the day of their birth – This is the day that your child will feel most left out. It cannot be helped you’ll be in labour. It is really important that others around you step up in moment to keep them occupied as best they can. But, you can still show let them know you are thinking about them – with a special present. You can frame this with any way you deem fit. It could be a ‘thank you helping, whilst mummy was pregnant present’, ‘to my big brother/sister, I can’t wait to meet you’ etc. They will be so blinkered by this toy that everything else will be forgotten.
Teach them how to look after the baby – I’m not talking about training them up to becoming a nanny to the baby, but teaching them how to hold, be gentle and care for their future sibling. Take the opportunity to build on your bonding time as well as teach. You could buy them a doll, turn this into a game and let them take care of it – it’s great practice when becoming a big brother/sister. Talk to them about how they will be when the baby arrives, how they will help take care and love the baby. How it is their job as the older sibling. Let the bond between them start now.
Hopefully, like me, you’ve read through these tips and feel ready to embrace this and confident with how this can be done successfully. Once the new addition is here, I’ll share some more around how we got on, if there were any other really useful solutions that worked for our family, but in the mean time if you have any other pointers, top tips or ideas please let me know.
Recounts of Kim 
I definitely did the present from Baby to sibling. And repetition of saying be gentle with baby is something to remember to do even when baby is still in the womb.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes that is a good idea! I’ll definitely remind him to use his gentle hands as he is definitely spirited at times and a rad rough. Thank you for sharing
LikeLike
Our kids gave each other gifts when the baby was born – the toddler felt proud having something to give the baby and was grateful for what the baby gave her. We had our rough weeks in the beginning but now most days are wonderful. The toddler does love to help, your tip on getting them involved during pregnancy is spot on 👍🏻
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Love the idea of him giving a gift to the baby as soon as the shops are open I will have to take him shopping and let him pick something for her 💕
LikeLike
I had the same worries… my kids are 20 months apart. It was crazy to think that I was capable of loving another child as much as my first. I was worried that wouldn’t be true. Luckily… my heart is big enough. We did most of what you said in this post. It wasn’t a perfect transition, but our family adjusted together. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing! It’s aways so reassuring to hear from experienced mums – gives the confidence of knowing you can do it too!!
LikeLike
thanks so much for sharing this post. i am planning on having another baby but i had never thought about how the older brother is gonna feel when the baby arrives. very helpful post
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hadn’t thought about it either until we fell pregnant this time around..hopefully this will give you some ideas when you choose to grow your family further
LikeLike
This was always a big worry for me as well! (Now I am a Grandma 😉) You have shared some wonderful ideas. Involving them is a huge one that is sometimes hard to do because we worry so much….but still remember to do it! I also think the gift is a great idea. I always bought a baby (of the same sex we were currently having) so they would have their own baby to mimic mommy and daddy…and to learn the right way of caring for new baby! Great post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I have bought my son a baby doll actually – I bought it before we found out we were having a girl – so he has a boy dolly but it definitely helps him to learn how to be gentle.
LikeLike
These are great tips! Having a second baby has been on my mind lately, and these are excellent things to think about!
LikeLike
I’m actually expecting my second right now and my son will be almost 2 when she’s born! I’m nervous about sharing dada more than mama, but he has a liking for babies although he doesn’t seem to comprehend that mommy’s having one. We’re moving him into his big boy room soon so he doesn’t feel like she’s taking his space! Our pediatrician actually just shared advice about after the baby is born – that when we have to take an extra moment for the newborn and tell them “hold on one minute, *newborn name* needs me right now” to say the same to the newborn whenever your toddler wants you and you have the time so they know that your attention can go both ways!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is great advice! I’ll definitely apply that and make sure that it is clear that our attention goes both ways and give the verbal reassuring along with the physical action of giving him that time. Thank you for sharing – I had considered that before 😊
LikeLike
Great tips ! We’re not quite ready for another little bit when we are I will definitely come back to this article! thank you for sharing !!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing. Expanding the family definitely comes with challenges. These are some great tips.
LikeLike